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“I am the resurrection and the life.” I need some of this life. My friends who are grieving the loss of their friend to cancer need the resurrection. Death is so foreign to life – its opposite, isn’t it? We need resurrection hope this Easter.
And I need the hope of life as I grieve the separation from family and feel like there are too many places that are dead within me. I need Your life to awaken me. To remind me of the joy of this calling of being a mother. I feel an absence of life when there is truly an abundance of it. The abundance of lives has made my life feel weary. Mundane. Monotonous. Even (especially?) on Easter.
Lord, who is alive, give me life. Joy. Hope. Lift my eyes from my self-imposed misery to the miraculous empty tomb. Empty of my sin because it died with Jesus at the cross. Empty of my misery because the living Redeemer is pushing back the darkness. Empty of death because my Savior vanquished it on the third day …
Since I seem to be in a season of reading (v. writing – see this post), you will be the recipient of yet another quote. My mom actually sent this to me. As a perpetual worry-er, I find this such a sweet reminder of the God in whom I trust:
When you stop trying to control your life and instead allow your anxieties and problems to bring you to God in prayer, you shift from worrying to watching. You watch God weave His patterns in the story of your life. Instead of trying to be out front, designing your life, you realize you are inside God’s drama. As you wait, you begin to see Him work, and your life begins to sparkle with wonder. You are learning to trust again.
(from Paul Miller’s excellent book on prayer, “A Praying Life“)
So how do I know if I am worrying or watching? I am anxiously trying to manage every detail of my out-of-control life when I am worrying, in contrast to working diligently on what’s set before me today and praying about the details that concern me. And then restfully waiting (watching) to see how God will work out the details that I am tempted to obsess about. [The obsession itself is quite fruitless -- as Jesus speaks about in Luke's gospel: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"]
When I am worrying, I am more concerned about me and less concerned about others. When I am watchful, I am eager to see God write my own story as well as weave together my friends’ stories. Worry shrinks my world to the size of me; being watchful expands my vision in proportion to the world-wide scope of God’s Kingdom. Worry means I am reading the Bible with unbelief and cynicism (if I am reading the Bible at all). When I am watchful with wonder, I read the Bible believing that these words and these stories and these promises are extremely relevant to my life today — and will actually assist me in making sense of the present and trusting God for the future.
And, as Paul Miller highlights in this quote, when I am worrying I am almost never praying. When I am praying, I will be watchful – trusting my Father who is good and faithful to take care of what concerns me.
I will admit that I have a bit of the February blues. And it’s not the first time (see a post from February 18, 2007). The fun wintry holidays (Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day) are over. I’ve already experienced the magic of the first snowfall (or two or ten …). The “cozy winter image” of curling up beside a fireplace with a good book and cup of tea has lost its appeal. I want warmth. Sunshine you can feel. Enjoying the great outdoors without bundling up in my coat, scarf, and gloves. The 50+ degree days we had a couple weeks ago left me longing for spring, imagining that winter could truly be over (maybe the groundhog didn’t see his shadow after all?). But it’s only mid-February. Spring won’t be here for awhile.
All of that to say, my restlessness/blues led me back to an old journal to see what I wrote and how God met me in another February. And what I found was quite encouraging. I prayed two years ago today: “Lead us [Seth and I] to a place [church] of vibrant worship, service we can both enter into, and sweet fellowship with like-minded couples.” God has answered that request abundantly through our church home, Cresheim Valley Church, that found us a few short weeks after that prayer. John and Christy Leonard took us out to lunch and asked us to consider the possibility of coming on staff with the church plant in Chestnut Hill that had just begun meeting in January 2007. We joined the church as charter members in the summer of 2007. It has been all of what I prayed for two years ago, and more. We’ve enjoyed vibrant worship, an unimaginable array of service opportunities that have included a mission trip to New Orleans and late night chats with people in need, and fellowship with other brothers and sisters in Christ who have truly become like family to us.
It’s this reminder of God’s faithfulness (1) to hear my request (2) to answer abundantly and clearly and (3) to provide for His people that has lifted my eyes above the mundane experience of February. It spurs me on to pray and to pour out the desires of my heart to a God who is there. Two questions for you: (1) what lifts your “February blues”? and (2) how have you seen God answer prayers?
